The drama

Yeah I haven't posted in this blog for months. xD I would've posted this in my other blog, but I dnt know if it really fit. So I'll post it here. So anyways, I'm supposed to be writing for school, about my life, but nothing exciting has ever happened to me so I decided to write about this. :3 /shot




It's been just over a year since I met someone. Someone who has made a tense impact on my life. The person with the most ups and downs in a relationship that I have ever met.
Her name was-- is-- Sabrina.

It started out a normal friendship. She was friends with my friend, and my friend put me and a few more people in an online conversation to chat. Savrina, Ivana, Sierra, Sabrina, Emily. (I was already friends with Sierra and Savrina.)
I can't quite remember how it went, but everyone ended up being okay friends, then best friends.
Then the teenage drama started in November.
I don't really remember what happened. I guess Savrina and Sabrina got into an argument, Emily and Sierra sided with her, and the circle combusted. I was still friends with everyone, however.
Somehow, I was convinced out of and into friendships-- like a ragdoll, I was pushed and shoved around. By December I had made enemies with Emily, and even parted from Sierra, who had been my best friend for years.
Everyone was always fighting with each other, and I guess it never went away. Probably about two days before Christmas, I had made my friendship okay with everyone again. We all talked to each other around that time, but then it went back to rivalry again.

So, by then, the groups were sort of like... Sierra, Emily, Savrina, and me in one group. Sabrina, Ivana, and me in another group. Sabrina disliked Savrina, Emily, and Sierra. Ivana had problems with Sierra and Emily (but was friends with Savrina). I was friends with everybody.

It stayed that way until February. Mid-February, I got into the arguments. It sort of went like this:
Sabrina: Why are you friends with them?!
Me: Because it's America, I have freedom...
Sabrina: Well, I think it would be best to stop being friends with them, I hate them...
Ivana: Yeah.
Me: I've been in enough drama already, haven't I?
Sabrina: You're going to fail at life!
Me: Yeah, I know. I'll deal with it.
Sabrina: (insert capslock and swearing here)
Ivana: Yeah!
Me: Ugh, I'm gonna go. I'm going to Wal-Mart for a few hours...
Sabrina: Nice excuse, now get out of my life.
Ivana: Pft, yeah.

So, that started rivalry with me. I stayed in my group with Sierra, Emily, and Savrina. A few months later, Emily told them that she was friends with Ivana and Sabrina again. They both made her leave the group, sort of like exiling her. I was still friends with her.
About two months later she was done with Sabrina drama, and apologized to Sierra. I sort of coached them along secretly because I was done with drama, too. They got along, but Savrina wouldn't accept Emily. She was done with drama in her own way.

Then about two months after that, making a total of seven months after February, Sabrina came back. She told me a lot about her life, like how she wasn't friends with any of our groups anymore. Being the too-kind soul I am, I said it was okay, then helped Sierra and Emily become friends with her, too. Savrina had disappeared somewhere about a week earlier, so I didn't bother trying to contact her.

So after about a day, Sabrina told Sierra that lots of what Savrina had said was a lie. She was apparently a singer, getting a record deal or something, and disappeared because she was making a music video. I don't remember what was so bad about it, but Sierra started breaking down. She decided she didn't like Savrina anymore.

Yay, more drama! But that was only a few days ago, so I can't really tell you bored-to-sleep readers what happened next. Good night.

Thoughts and such.

Hey. I made a new blog for my random thoughts. http://rainbowcheckers.blogspot.com/ 
I moved from this blog to the new one because I didn't want to "spam" my few followers. So yeah please don't follow the blog if you have problems with "spam" (= I will still post in this blog sometimes, I'm just gonna be posting in the other one more. It's mostly about optimism so far ;) So yup ^^ That's what's up recently. Have a nice day!

What happens when I'm stressed.

(The following is a long unfinished story Kathryn has written out of stress because she writes when she's stressed, and she didn't want to write in her diary. Please be aware that it is unfinished, doesn't make sense, and Kathryn was having writers block and wrote it part way about a friend of hers. Thank you.)


"Hey, Ryleigh, can I tell you something?" Amabelle asked me suddenly, as she wrapped her leg around a strong tree branch, shifting herself upside-down as her orange-dyed hair touched the grassy ground. "What kind of something?" I asked carelessly, lying down on my back on the ground with my arms folded together under my head, looking up at her. 
"Well, you see," Amabelle moved her legs and pushed herself out of the tree, landing on her feet and sitting beside me, "I think I have these, like, powers." She admitted. I sat up. "You mean, like, superman?" I said jokingly, then added seriously, "yeah, go ahead, tell me." 
Amabelle hesitated. "Well, I can make like, karma happen." She said slowly. 
I gave her a confused glance. "What do you mean?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. 
"I mean, like, well... When people are mean to me, bad things happen to them. Like once, one of my friends when I was little was mean to me. Then her dog ran away."
I looked at her. "That stuff happens," I said. 
"No, no, its happened a lot. One time when I was like, ten, my friend was being mean to me." She paused for a minute, looking for the right words to say while pulling grass out of the ground and sprinkling it down again. "Then she got bucked off of a horse and had to get surgery." She looked at me.
"Wow. That's freaky," I said. Amabelle continued. 
"I know, right? When I was twelve, my enemy did something to me, I can't remember what, and she broke her leg. I can't remember how."
I raised an eyebrow again. "Seriously?"
"Yeah," she replied, nodding a little bit as my mom opened the door a little and shouted, "Girls! Come in for lunch!" 

We both stood up and walked into my house, and sat down at the table. My younger sister, Brielle, was sitting at the table with her thumb in her mouth, staring at Amabelle as if she was an intruder. I took her thumb out of her mouth and said softly to her, "Staring isn't nice, Bri." Just then, my younger brother, Derrick, and Amabelle's younger brother, Antony, walked into the dining room and sat down at the table, laughing slightly while talking in their little code language. Mom swatted jokingly at Derrick's shoulder, saying, "No talk about girls at this table."
I raise my hand jokingly, asking if we could talk about guys. She shook her head while putting sandwiches on a plate in the middle of the table, then setting a pitcher of lemonade next to it. "Can we eat outside?" I asked, taking a sandwich and a cup of lemonade. I hate eating lunch indoors, it always feels stuffy. My mom knows that, so she nodded. 

Amabelle and I were outside in a minute, sitting down at a picnic table in my back yard. Derrick and Antony were following behind us and sat at the table next to us. I gave them both a short glare and snapped, "Go play somewhere else." They both looked at me, stood up and walked away with their sandwiches and lemonade. 
I looked back at Amabelle and we continued talking about her karma thing. I wasn't eating my sandwich, so she looked at it and then back at me. "Why aren't you eating?" She asked cautiously, which made me look down at my sandwich. I opened the sandwich up and looked into it. It had ham in it, I'm a vegetarian. "I'm vegetarian, mom forgot again." I sighed, then offered the sandwich to her. She took it and put it on her paper plate. "You should get something else to eat," she told me. "I'm not really hungry," I replied quickly. 
Then my dog, Ballerina, ran out and jumped, putting his front paws on my lap. "Down, Ballerina!" I said, pushing his paws off of me. He wiggled, shaking his tail and whining slightly. Amabelle was smiling. "I still think it's funny that you named a boy dog Ballerina," she said. "Derrick's and Bri's idea," I muttered under my breath. Derrick, thirteen years old, was obsessed with funny names, and Bri, three years old, was obsessed with ballerinas. Me, fifteen years old, I'm not obsessed with anything, I just love dogs. 

... Sometimes I get depressed, want to cry, and write things down. Because I can't cry.

(By the way i should be writing for school, not complaints. Oops.) 

I have a serious question. I don't know why I'm posting on my blogger, though. At most, probably 2 friends will read this. Unless I show my other friends. 

My question is...
Well... Instead of jumping to the main question, I need to say some stuff. 
First, it's February of '11. Anyone reading this knows what happens in that month. Valentines day, my birthday, presidents day, my sisters birthday, and so many other things. 
But something happened on February XV MMX that I regret so, so, so badly. You have no idea how much I regret it. 
My question, what should I do? I think I want to talk again. But peoples reactions to stuff... It just makes me want to cry. Should I talk, or not? That's my question. You have to think about it. I don't want a "Yes! Everyone wants you to! What are you waiting for?" answer. (By the way my heart just had a pain. Ow ow ow ow ow...) I need someone to think about it. In '10, my life has changed so badly because of this. My grandpa died, I saw family, I got begged by so many people to talk, my dog died, I met new friends, and I think my family has gotten used to it. Would they ask why I stopped? Should I ask them if I should talk? Should I waste my life by not talking? Can I talk? I don't even know! Ugh... I need help... (Evil thoughts here since I can't stand it, I'm a clown, depression hurts me. Maybe I could get something if I talk... Like... $100 or a DOG!!!!! Maybe I'll talk if I get a dog.) But this is serious. So many people... So many... I just... I can't explain this. Let me get something I wrote about how I feel about it... Sort of...

Me- Well.... It's like... Imagine this really bad habit. You've been doing it for about a year and people really really hate it. It's a life-changing bad habit, and people want you to stop, they've begged and even sorta abused you over it...?
Then there's like... This feeling in your gut that you cannot, no matter what, end that habit. It has ruined your life, but you just can't stop...
Then you imagine what would happen if you did stop. Imagine you're really sensitive of how people react to big things, and you just.... Just can't get it to work... You've tried when you were alone, and so many people have tried to get you to stop. But you just can't stop.
I just poured my frikkin' life story out...

Friend- I understand.. But, maybe you should think about it. X_X I don't want to be one of those people that beg you to talk, but if you know it's ruined your life and you know you can talk, but you can't do it, when your alone and I mean completely alone with no one near, you should try it... And then if you do try it, your surprised but you still want to talk, write your family a note saying you want to talk but you don't want them to freak out and maybe they can be whatever happiness or shock they get inside. -Feels stupid-

Me- Okay, well...
I get this stupid awkward feeling when I'm around my family. I feel so judged by them. So I feel like if I go to anyone for anything, like my iPod last night, then they would just, well, I don't know... But I feel so stupid around them...
I feel like if I show them something, like a note, they just... Won't accept me? I don't know... Ughhhhhh....

A confession.

I have a confession: 
I have an obsession. 

You see, I really, really like dogs. I think about them all day and all night. I draw them a lot (Well, wolves. I can't draw dogs too well.) and I really, just, really like them. 

I write school essays on dogs. I have to write an essay every month, and I somehow find a way to connect it with dogs. 

In '09 I got two dogs in February. They were lab mixes, named Chocolate and Vanilla. Chocolate was, of course, a chocolate lab. Vanilla was, well, a yellow lab. 
In June that year, they got put down. I didn't even notice for a while. You see, I didn't pay much attention to them, ever. So, after that, I hated dogs. I hated dogs with a burning passion. My best friend loved dogs. But I hated them, so we didn't get along well for a while. 

Then August '09, I got another dog. He was an Aussie named Riley. Oh, how that animal has effected my life. 
I was just getting over hating dogs at this point, so I thought he was sorta cute, and funny. This dog, this dog was HILARIOUS. 
We lived on a farm, though. We had chickens and rabbits, cats, and Riley. Our farm was a pretty big one, and there were lots of trees, deer, and other wildlife. 
My sister was taking care of a friends horse at the time. She really liked horses, so she spent lots of time with Sashà (That was her name).
One time, Riley went up to Joy (My sister) while she was with Sashà. Sashà kicked him, and he had a limp for a while. 
Another time, Riley was out where nobody knew where he was. Everyone was in the house, and I looked out the window, just in time to see Riley attack a baby deer! I shouted, and Joy ran outside to stop them. She saved the baby deer! It ran away, and Riley calmed down. 

At one point, I went outside to play fetch with Riley a lot. This was about December time, so it was really snowy. Riley loved to play fetch. On Wednesdays, I would always see my friend, Bryn. So I spent about an hour a day outside with Riley, walking him up and down the driveway while talking to him. Other days, he didn't get much attention. Only bad attention. I guess that's why he did what he did, to get attention. 
You see, we had made a rabbit pen that year, for our rabbits. It didn't have a top, it was just a big rectangle of wire that went about 3 feet into the ground so the rabbits couldn't climb or dig out. 
There was a weak spot on the pen, and one time, Riley jumped over it. He chased my rabbits, he almost killed them. But hey, it got him attention! 
See, he started doing this a LOT. It was January now, my sisters birthday. My friend Bryn was over, and Riley jumped the pen. Joy went and stopped him, and brought him into our house. 
Everyone gave him attention. We all pet him so much. This was about the time I fell in love with that dog, yet I found him stupid and annoying. 

Well. After that, he did that a lot. I stopped talking on valentines day, which was the 14th, and I have so man memories of February '10. 
Bryn came over for a valentines day party on the 15th, with her siblings. I remember Megan putting a "Beware of dog" sign on the door, and I remember Hyrum commenting on how it was hard to get past our devil dog. Yeah, I thought Riley was a devil at this point. He was like lots of dog that don't get enough attention. He barked and ran around everywhere. We had him tied up near our chicken coop, just on a leash. He tugged on the leash a lot. 

Now, for my worst memory with Riley. 
February 17th, 2010. Riley jumps my rabbit pen, again. He chases rabbits and they all run into their holes, except for one. One was trapped into a small area of wire we had in the rabbit pen. I kicked Riley and tried getting ahold of his collar, finally got it, and tied him up by the chicken coop. He barked and tugged, hard, as I walked away to help the trapped rabbit. 
I helped the rabbit, getting a big scratch on my wrist. Oh, and I was mad. I was really mad because... I don't remember. But I was mad at my siblings, dog, and rabbit. 
I went into the house and grabbed a red marker, drawing some fake blood on my wrist where my rabbit had scratched me. I showed it to my brother I was mad at, then I stomped off into my room. 

February 18th, 2010. Such a depressing day. 
I was having a good day. Well, I wasn't having a bad day, that is. I was so excited because I was turning twelve in two days! But, you see, something I said I wanted for my birthday was "Not to spend it like my last one, trapped with dogs that are dead now." That was a mistake. 
 I was chatting online and drawing a lot, as always. 
I was drawing a cat, when Josh came in. He said the first word in a mutter, so I didn't hear. But I heard, "Died. Joy isn't taking it very well." I got worried, then realized it was probably another chicken that died. I don't know. Maybe a rabbit?
The "beware of dog" sign was still on the door, and mom went outside. She came back in a while later, folding the sign and throwing it away. Now I was worried. 
A while later, I got it. Riley died, and I blamed myself. I was the last one who tied him up. I kicked him the day before. I was mad at him. I said I didn't want to spend my birthday with him. 


After that, I'm obsessed with dogs. I love them. I would really, really like to be able to get a new one, without making those mistakes. 

If I could go back in time, I would go back to valentines day. I would fix not talking, I would love my dog, and I would not let him die. But, I can't go back in time. So instead of wishing, I'm going to fix my mistakes. I'm going to get a dog, I'm going to love my dog.