A confession.

I have a confession: 
I have an obsession. 

You see, I really, really like dogs. I think about them all day and all night. I draw them a lot (Well, wolves. I can't draw dogs too well.) and I really, just, really like them. 

I write school essays on dogs. I have to write an essay every month, and I somehow find a way to connect it with dogs. 

In '09 I got two dogs in February. They were lab mixes, named Chocolate and Vanilla. Chocolate was, of course, a chocolate lab. Vanilla was, well, a yellow lab. 
In June that year, they got put down. I didn't even notice for a while. You see, I didn't pay much attention to them, ever. So, after that, I hated dogs. I hated dogs with a burning passion. My best friend loved dogs. But I hated them, so we didn't get along well for a while. 

Then August '09, I got another dog. He was an Aussie named Riley. Oh, how that animal has effected my life. 
I was just getting over hating dogs at this point, so I thought he was sorta cute, and funny. This dog, this dog was HILARIOUS. 
We lived on a farm, though. We had chickens and rabbits, cats, and Riley. Our farm was a pretty big one, and there were lots of trees, deer, and other wildlife. 
My sister was taking care of a friends horse at the time. She really liked horses, so she spent lots of time with Sashà (That was her name).
One time, Riley went up to Joy (My sister) while she was with Sashà. Sashà kicked him, and he had a limp for a while. 
Another time, Riley was out where nobody knew where he was. Everyone was in the house, and I looked out the window, just in time to see Riley attack a baby deer! I shouted, and Joy ran outside to stop them. She saved the baby deer! It ran away, and Riley calmed down. 

At one point, I went outside to play fetch with Riley a lot. This was about December time, so it was really snowy. Riley loved to play fetch. On Wednesdays, I would always see my friend, Bryn. So I spent about an hour a day outside with Riley, walking him up and down the driveway while talking to him. Other days, he didn't get much attention. Only bad attention. I guess that's why he did what he did, to get attention. 
You see, we had made a rabbit pen that year, for our rabbits. It didn't have a top, it was just a big rectangle of wire that went about 3 feet into the ground so the rabbits couldn't climb or dig out. 
There was a weak spot on the pen, and one time, Riley jumped over it. He chased my rabbits, he almost killed them. But hey, it got him attention! 
See, he started doing this a LOT. It was January now, my sisters birthday. My friend Bryn was over, and Riley jumped the pen. Joy went and stopped him, and brought him into our house. 
Everyone gave him attention. We all pet him so much. This was about the time I fell in love with that dog, yet I found him stupid and annoying. 

Well. After that, he did that a lot. I stopped talking on valentines day, which was the 14th, and I have so man memories of February '10. 
Bryn came over for a valentines day party on the 15th, with her siblings. I remember Megan putting a "Beware of dog" sign on the door, and I remember Hyrum commenting on how it was hard to get past our devil dog. Yeah, I thought Riley was a devil at this point. He was like lots of dog that don't get enough attention. He barked and ran around everywhere. We had him tied up near our chicken coop, just on a leash. He tugged on the leash a lot. 

Now, for my worst memory with Riley. 
February 17th, 2010. Riley jumps my rabbit pen, again. He chases rabbits and they all run into their holes, except for one. One was trapped into a small area of wire we had in the rabbit pen. I kicked Riley and tried getting ahold of his collar, finally got it, and tied him up by the chicken coop. He barked and tugged, hard, as I walked away to help the trapped rabbit. 
I helped the rabbit, getting a big scratch on my wrist. Oh, and I was mad. I was really mad because... I don't remember. But I was mad at my siblings, dog, and rabbit. 
I went into the house and grabbed a red marker, drawing some fake blood on my wrist where my rabbit had scratched me. I showed it to my brother I was mad at, then I stomped off into my room. 

February 18th, 2010. Such a depressing day. 
I was having a good day. Well, I wasn't having a bad day, that is. I was so excited because I was turning twelve in two days! But, you see, something I said I wanted for my birthday was "Not to spend it like my last one, trapped with dogs that are dead now." That was a mistake. 
 I was chatting online and drawing a lot, as always. 
I was drawing a cat, when Josh came in. He said the first word in a mutter, so I didn't hear. But I heard, "Died. Joy isn't taking it very well." I got worried, then realized it was probably another chicken that died. I don't know. Maybe a rabbit?
The "beware of dog" sign was still on the door, and mom went outside. She came back in a while later, folding the sign and throwing it away. Now I was worried. 
A while later, I got it. Riley died, and I blamed myself. I was the last one who tied him up. I kicked him the day before. I was mad at him. I said I didn't want to spend my birthday with him. 


After that, I'm obsessed with dogs. I love them. I would really, really like to be able to get a new one, without making those mistakes. 

If I could go back in time, I would go back to valentines day. I would fix not talking, I would love my dog, and I would not let him die. But, I can't go back in time. So instead of wishing, I'm going to fix my mistakes. I'm going to get a dog, I'm going to love my dog.